I understand what you're saying. My father was distant, unavailable, and harsh. It was difficult for me to give him the love he expected when he was old and ill. It hadn't been deposited; I had no well to draw from. On the other hand, I learned a lot about my father's childhood and trauma I hadn't known most of my life so I am now able to see his inability to love in the way I needed and look at that with compassion. Some people aren't willing to change, some don't know how. I hope my children understand my mistakes were from a lack of understanding. I didn't have the resources my children now have (i.e. the internet, social media, etc) to understand personal growth, healing, and self improvement. Thank God we all can change if we want to!